Building a family is a joyous event for most families, but of course, not everything goes to plan as smoothly as you might consider. In some cases, the limit can be set from the beginning. For example, a wonderful couple of two gay men in a committed marriage may love to have children, but of course, this won’t be possible through conventional methods.
This is where important conversations need to be held. How do both individuals feel about adoption? What about surrogacy? How might you discuss the use of an IV clinic? Understanding what your partner is most interested in, what they could accept, and what they’re not fond of can help you schedule those discussions appropriately, while also making the tough decisions maturely, and understanding your decision affects more than the two people in that relationship, but potentially a child with their own life to live.
Perhaps your partner isn’t very comfortable with the idea of surrogacy, and would much prefer an IV clinic to going through the adoption process. At a time of trying fertility, sometimes these conversations can be a tough ask. But what does that mean in practice? We’ll consider that, below:
Get The Tough Part Out Of The Way
Sometimes, conversations like this can feel a little fraught. If that’s the case, there’s usually a topic you might be worried about addressing, and this can lead to dancing around the issue. That might culminate in an outcome you’re not happy with.
For example, perhaps your partner feels terrible about not being able to provide natural fertility as they think they should, and so delicately addressing that head-on, showing your love and comfort, and letting them know there’s zero rush nor need to force an alternative if they’re unhappy with it can help you avoid that sense of obligation or worry about not letting someone down. Fertility can be a sensitive topic, so don’t just assume your partner is as comfortable with it as you are. It’s always best to check.
Consider Renewed Timelines
It may be that you felt like you were in the right place to conceive a child naturally, but as that might be a limited option now, you are considering adoption. However, it could be that despite the new focus, you’re not really “ready” for this alternative now as you were the other. For this reason, you might decide to discuss it for another month before you put any plans in motion, or seek to gain a more stable foothold (perhaps property ownership instead of renting) before you bring someone else into the family.
Discuss Obligations & Changes
Now, having a child can be like throwing dice – you never know what kind of outcome you’ll deal with, how healthy the child will be, what challenges you’ll face, or the unique circumstances you’ll have. Everyone is different, after all. It’s important to be very clear eyed about this, then. Adoption is not just “finding a child already born and welcoming them into a home,” though it can be that, it’s also about helping them understand the full scope of adoption, understanding the unique challenges that brings, how to deal with biological parents etc. The more you can discuss these and lay out every possible consideration, the more informed you’ll feel when taking the plunge.
With this advice, you’ll be sure to keep those conversations mature, and even exciting.
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