When I was in college, I blew my ACL six games into my senior season of volleyball. Devastated doesn’t even begin to cover it. It was my last year of sports at that level, my final season playing a sport I had loved my entire life, and it was just gone in an instant. Torn to pieces like the inside of my knee. I hadn’t been through a lot of tragedy up until that point in my life, so this felt like a mountain of grief to me. I turned to one of the only places I know to go to when I’m broken, which is the Word. And I immediately flipped right open to what has forever been my favorite verse since that moment:
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” – John 16:33
Just what an angst-ridden college kid needed to hear. We can have peace, because our God is BIGGER and has been through MORE than we could ever imagine. As I dug deeper into what the good book says about grief and sadness, I of course did some reading in Job. If you’re not familiar, essentially everything that could possibly go wrong with Job’s life…does. It’s a sad country song times a million. But here’s the verse that hit home for me:
“He replied, “You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?” In all this, Job did not sin in what he said.” – Job 2:10
Again I thought back on my life, and still can, and see that not very much has gone wrong. I’ve been far more blessed than I’ve ever felt cursed. I’ve got far more reason to give thanks to God than I do to complain to him. Since my knee injury and recovery over 10 years ago, probably the lowest point in my life since then was my miscarriage in between Cora and Issa. It’s crazy to think even that’s been six years ago now, and yet Orlando and I were just talking the other day how we still think of our baby we lost. It’s a little hole in your heart that never heals, but of course, I cannot forget that I have two beautiful girls that are happy, healthy, and here with me today.
And what a day it is. This time in our lives is just unprecedented. There’s no other word for it. A global pandemic. A crashing economy. Some many personal and professional things are in limbo or paused, so life is all at once extremely calm and completely chaotic. We’re home all day, every day and yet I feel like my heart is racing nonstop. Within the span of each 24 hours right now, I feel like I’m ricocheting between the highest of highs and the lowest of lows.
On one hand, I’m so thankful and happy to have Orlando and the girls home safe with me, plus family staying with us after Orlando’s little brother had his college semester cancelled and travel plans for my sister and her fiancé fell through and left them with nowhere else to go. It’s a full house, and I’ve heard the girls laughing and playing more than I have in a long time. Just last night I walked by the girls’ room as Orlando was reading them a bedtime story, thinking how overwhelmingly happy I am that he’s able to be home and have this time with them.
And then the morning comes, and we’re on the phone with our CPA talking about disaster relief loans, and one more client calls to say they need to take a break until this all blows over. We look at the grocery bills, read the news articles, and try not to cry or let the girls see us stressed. 24 hours. All the good. All the bad. I could choose to decide this is the end of the world as we know it, and it’s about time I had a nervous breakdown, but then I remember those words from John and Job.
He has overcome this world. And you cannot just accept the good from God. You can’t. You are going to take some blows. He never promised you an easy life. He just said He is enough to overcome it.
So I will stay safe. I will stay inside. And I will pray that I remember the lessons I thought I was learning over a decade ago on the volleyball court. Clearly my heart still has some work to do to truly trust in Him. There’s no light at the end of this particular Coronavirus tunnel yet, but I can hear His footsteps, if ever so slight. I can keep walking, one foot in front of the other until this all feels like another mountain we climbed together. I can PLAY THE NEXT PLAY, as my college coach always said.
He hasn’t let me down yet. And He’s got you too, if only you’ll let Him.
P.S. Beyond just trusting, we are also called to SERVE, DO, and BE THERE for others when times are tough. If any of you, dear readers, need anything, will you please tell me? Here’s a few resources if you’re local to San Antonio and could use a helping hand:
- Jason Dady Restaurant Group is offering free meals to hospitality workers in need.
- The City of San Antonio has compiled a designated website for information for residents and businesses alike.
- LiftFund is providing 0% interest loans for local start ups and small businesses.
- FGI San Antonio has members making masks for healthcare workers and tutorials for those who know how to sew.
- San Antonio Education Partnership is offering FREE virtual advising for high school or college students affected by COVID-19 closures or simply needing guidance in general.
- Ferris Orthodontics is donating $1 to Coronavirus relief efforts for every person who shares with them how they’re spending their #TimeWellWasted right now!
What did I miss? How can I help spread the word for causes and campaigns that need it now more than ever? Please let me know, and take care of yourselves, y’all. Hugs from six feet away!